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fluffytressabunny
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Country: United States
State: Ohio
Birthday: 6/5/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: I write crappy poems and stories, I talk to my friends, wish about how i would love to make their lives perfect. I sleep, and daydream mindlessly about the life i would love to have. I attend 2 churches and 2 youth groups (yes, by choice) i flirt too much withthe few guy friends i have, and always seem to fall for my best friends. I complain too much and do too little, and i'm very sarcasic. I'm opinionated, and if that bothers you, don't subscribe t my xanga. and i seem have a knack of making people cry with my journal entries [sorry!] i also want to sasve the world.
Expertise: I am an expert sleeper
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
11/9/2002
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| they took dad to the hospice center today.
they are saying now, by the end of the week | | |
| They're saying a week or so left.
This is so hard. I just want it to be over. Isn't that terrible of me? That I just want it to end? I don't know.
Anyway, so, I have an interview, per se, with a wedding photographer, and Shaun [Josh's brother] is helping me get a job at Movie Gallery.
When this is all over, we have to move, which is probably a good thing.
Saw the Batman movie, it was fun. | | |
| So, I've been pondering my position in things. I've been wondering if I should spend some time soul-searching, away from the stressful youth group, or try to work through it. I'm not sure which is better for me. Yes there is the argument of fellowship, but, seriously, the more I go to youth group, and feel the lack-of G-d, and I remember how much better it used to be, it discourages me. I feel a rebellion-type feeling rise up in me, and that isn't good. I think it'de be better for me to become independtly strong in G-d before I could go to someplace I didn't really like anymore to try and be strong in him.
I need to nurture my spirital gift, or, at least, what I think it is. I won't say what it is yet, at least, I could trust about 3 people to not laught at me and think I'm stupid for it, Mom, Josh and Krystian. So, I think I am going to try and meditate everynight, and pray much more than I have before. Its time for some work.
I don't find it fair, that even if I hadn't quit the worship team early, my opinion on those replacing me wouldn't have mattered. how sad.
I think it is time to stop caring about other people's opinions. They are controlling me too much. Its my turn to think. I'm done trying to please people, it made me empty | | |
| I miss my home.
2 years ago, BFYG was my home. Every Wednesday, I looked forward to hanging out with my family, I have an amazing set of friends, and amazing adults to look up toMe, Josh, Kristen, and Krystian always hung out, and every so often, we hung out with Wess, Emily, or Matt Mackey, or any combination of the 3. We went to Firestone Hill, saw Wess play, brought Matt Mackey a finals-survival kit, we got stuck in a van on the east side of Cleveland together. Philips Ministry, even though, there was alot of struggle in that, was the best week of my life. Who else can I go to Perkins at 3 in the morning with and have philosophical conversations with? We all went through a Jimmy Eat World obsession together, My Sundown is definatly "Our Song" We even had alot of fun with the younger kids, and Katie and Jesi when they came to youth group. me and Katie once made Matt Mackey, shirts, and we hogtied people, it was so much fun. They got my through so much, they were my sanity
When they all left, I didn't know what would happen next. They were home to me. We made a promise to still be family, we made a promise to keep in touch.
We all broke that promise
I was looking through my firestone hill pictures tonight, god, I miss them so much.
How can I get that feeling back? That happiness, that satisfaction, that wholeness
I don't think we can ever get that relationship back we all had between eachother. But there isn't a day that goes by the I don't think of a memory from my family. There isnt a day that I dont think of calling, and I just, can't get the courage.
There isn't a day that I don't wish no one left, and it was still the way it was. | | |
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